Hello
by ieatmyfeelings
Summary: What happens if Severus doesn't die in the Shrieking Shack...but Harry doesn't know. Not a happy story, not happy ending Warning: Implied underage/chan


ok guys...this is a one shot inspired by Hello by Adele, so like always, reading while listening is encouraged. Aside from that, this has got to be one of the saddest most heart breaking things I've ever written! For those of you who read Unexpected, this is worse then the last chapter...You have been warned!

So this is set immediately after the epilogue and is cannon compliment for the most part...except Severus didn't die in the shack...ok...enjoy...please don't hate me ...

HxSxHxSxHxSxHxSxH

Harry watched his youngest son board the Hogwarts Express for the first time, his mind not on his eleven year old but on the raven-haired wizard that was his namesake. Harry had told Albus Severus that he was named after two headmasters and one was a Slytherin and the bravest man he'd ever known, but what the savior hadn't told his son, hadn't told anyone, was that he named after his fathers former lover. Harry sighed, shaking all thoughts of his old potions professor from his head, what good did it do to dwell on thoughts of a love that had been dead for nineteen years?

"Harry…Harry!"

"Huh?" Harry asked dumbly as his lovely wife forcefully removed him from his thoughts.

Ginny and Lily laughed, "Where did you go love? You looked a million miles away," she said with a soft smile.

Harry smiled at his wife and daughter, "I was just thinking about Hogwarts" he lied smoothly before taking the hands of his two ladies "Let's go home" he said softly before apparating them away.

HxSxHxSxHxSxHxSxH

Two days later Harry Potter was completely frustrated! Ever since he had taken the boys to meet the train he'd been unable to shake the thoughts and memories of his time with Severus. Harry had done his best in the almost two decades since he last held the potions master to put their relationship from his mind. He was married with three children; it felt like he was being unfaithful to Ginny when he thought of Severus like this. Harry sighed as he tried once again to focus on the reports on the desk in front of him, as head Auror it was his responsibility to go through all the case reports, but he was quickly lost in his memories again.

Harry thought back to the last two times he'd seen Severus, the night the older man had killed Dumbledore, and the night he had died. Harry sighed sadly, he had been so angry and hurt when the man he loved had killed the Headmaster. It had felt like the Death Eater had used their relationship to distract him from noticing the plots on Albus's life. The hurt, anger and betrayal didn't stop his heart from breaking even further as he held the spy he loved in his arms as he bled to death. And those memories, those painful memories that proved to Harry that he was indeed a fool for having doubted…hated Severus, they only proved to shatter what remained of his heart. When Harry had walked to his death in the Forbidden Forest that night it was a relief, and when he awoke after seeing Dumbledore at King's Cross it was a disappointment.

Harry was snapped out of his morose thoughts by an owl landing on top of the report he was staring blankly at. Harry quickly retrieved the thick envelope from the owl's leg while fishing around in a drawer for an owl treat. Once the owl had received its treat, leaving Harry with a bloody finger, it quickly flew off. Harry sucked on his finger as he opened the envelope to find a letter wrapped around another envelope. Harry quickly unwrapped the envelope from the letter and assumed he was supposed to read the letter first.

 _Dear Mr. Potter,_

 _I am hoping this letter finds you well. I am writing to inform you that the reading of the last will and testament of Severus Tobias Snape is scheduled for 10am on Wednesday September 4_ _th_ _, in room 394 at the Ministry of Magic. As a beneficiary of the late Mr. Snape your presence is required. The enclosed envelope was left with strict instruction for you to have read it before the reading of the will._

 _Sincerely_

 _Bradly Brackforth_

 _Solicitor to Mr. Severus Snape._

Harry stared dumbly at the letter in his hand, his finger still in his mouth. _Snape's will…Severus's will…_ Harry thought blankly, _nineteen years since the man had died and NOW they decided to read his will!_ Harry fumed throwing the letter onto the desk, his eyes falling on the envelope still waiting to be read. Harry stared at the envelope, his anger disappearing to be replaced in equal parts anticipation and dread; he knew the chances of that letter having been written by Severus to be high and he wasn't sure if he wanted to read what the older wizard had wanted to tell him in the last days of the war. "Some Gryffindor, afraid of parchment…" he muttered sardonically as he reached out and grabbed to envelope turning it over to see it addressed very plainly in the spidery script he was very familiar with.

 _Pottter_

Harry sighed and closed his eyes and took a deep breath before breaking the seal on the envelope and pulled out a thick piece of parchment and began reading.

 _Harry,_

 _By now I am assuming you, being the foolish Gryffindor you are, are quite put out that it has taken nineteen years for my will to be read. For once use what little sense you have and observe, this parchment and envelope are in no way aged enough to have been sitting in my Gringotts vault for nineteen years. There are many things you need to know Harry but upon the reading of my will tomorrow you will be in possession of many items that will hopefully answer all your questions._

 _You know how I loathe stating the obvious but in this case I assume that your brain has not quite caught up to the situation, I am alive…rather while I am writing this I am alive, but I will no longer be so when you are reading this._

 _To answer the question I know is currently bouncing around that woefully empty brain of yours, Nagini's bite did not kill me, I am a potions master Potter, I know my anti venoms. I apologize for deceiving you; it was necessary for the rest of the battle to play out as it did, if you knew I survived you would never have walked into that forest. By the time you had returned to the Shrieking Shack Lucius had already returned for me and taken me to a safe house, where I remain to this day. Know that I lived the last nineteen years safe and relatively content, and that I am not in pain now, at the end._

 _I know you have many questions Harry, and I admit I selfishly hope that the most pressing is why I didn't seek you out, because if that is true it means you still care for me. These questions will be answered in the fore mentioned items, I am sorry I couldn't answer more now, it is getting difficult to continue writing. Know that I have always and will always remain,_

 _Yours,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape 9:30am September 3_ _rd_ _2017_

Harry stared down at the letter in his hands, tears running down his face, Severus…his Severus had been alive two hours ago, writing to him in his last moments...Harry was rudely snapped from his thoughts by a sharp knock on his office door. Quickly wiping the evidence of his tears from his face he called for the person to enter only to see one Draco Malfoy, one of his senior Aurors, "What do you need Malfoy?" he asked gruffly, not wanting the other man to realize he'd just been crying.

Draco eyed his boss and friend warily, noticing the red blotchy eyes and the deep look of sorrow on Potters face, "I need an hour off tomorrow morning, I have an appointment at 10am" he drawled, surprise showing on his face when understanding flashed across Harry's.

"Close the door Draco" Harry muttered, his voice sounding defeated; once Malfoy had done as bidden Harry motioned towards the chair across from him and Draco didn't hesitate before sitting quietly, and waiting for Harry to say what was obviously on his mind. "What I'm about to tell you I've never told another person, I would like it to stay that way Draco" Harry said quietly as he reached into the bottom drawer of his desk and withdrew a bottle of Ogdens Finest and two tumblers. He quickly poured a measure into both cups and handed one to the blonde sitting across from him before taking a fortifying sip of his, "At the end of our fifth year and throughout our sixth year Se..Snape and I were lovers" he says quickly, avoiding the look of shock he was sure decorated Malfoy's face.

Draco took a moment to get over the shock of this announcement before the reality of the situation hit him "That's why you fought so hard to get his pardon and Order of Merlin!" Draco exclaimed and suddenly he understood Harry's appearance, "You got the summons for the reading as well…" he trailed off.

Harry nodded, swallowing back his grief to be able to speak, "As well as a letter written by Se...him this morning" he said in a whisper before swallowing the rest of his fire whiskey in one go. "He wrote that your father was the one to take him from the Shrieking Shack, so I assume you knew he was alive…" the unsaid _even though I didn't_ hanging thick in the air, "what happened Draco? I mean this morning?" he asked softly as tears began welling up again.

Draco swallowed the lump in his throat from the combined grief of the death of his godfather and Harry's over the loss of a lover and loss of time with said lover, "The immediate effects of Nagini's bite was counteracted by an anti venom Severus's took every time he was to be before the Dark Lord, but her poison was unique. It slowly over the years worked away at Severus, much like a muggle cancer. For the last year or so he's been infirmed in his bed. Early this mornin he sent an elf to the manor and requested Mother and I to visit. He said his goodbyes to us, and sent us away, not wanting us to be there at the end, and stated he had another goodbye to make…I received a floo call from Mother at 9:45 saying his elf had came to her saying he was gone." Draco finished fighting to keep control of his emotions not wanting his grief to come across in his voice.

Harry leaned back in his chair his eyes closing in despair at the thought of the once strong man lying weak, ill, and alone in his bed during his final moments. Harry quickly cleared his throat and swiped at the tears that had began to fall again, "I..I'm giving you three days off Draco, go home, and be with your family. I will see you in the morning." Harry mutters not even opening his eyes afraid that the pain he was feeling would be obvious to the observant Slytherin.

Draco stood, drained his tumbler, and walked to the door, stopping with his hand on the knob, "Harry, if you need to talk…to some one who knows…" he trailed off knowing the other wizard would understand his offer of companionship.

Harry nodded and whispered "Thank you Draco…If your mother is going to be there tomorrow…can you fill her in about this, I don't want to have to explain…"

"Of course, see you in the morning Potter" Draco says before walking out of the office closing the door behind him.

The moment the blonde left his office Harry cast a powerful locking and silencing charm and let his tears flow freely. Severus, the man he had loved…still loved was gone…Harry thought he'd gotten over his grief, done his mourning nineteen years ago, and he had. But the fact the Severus had been alive for the last nineteen years, and never let Harry know, and Harry just moved on…Harry gasped out a sob at the thought of all the time he could have had with the snarky spy. At those thoughts Harry was instantly over come with guilt, if he would have had that time with Severus he wouldn't have married Ginny or had his children. Harry's thoughts continued to loop like this until he realized he had sat there through lunch and most of the afternoon. With a sigh Harry stood up and pulled a pepper up potion out of his desk, downed it and cast freshening charms at himself before grabbing his cloak and letting his assistant know that he would be taking tomorrow off and not to be contacted unless it was an emergency.

HxSxHxSxHxSxHxSxHxSxHxS

Harry sat in a lumpy armchair in a small house, little more than a cottage the next afternoon staring at an unopened box in his hands.

The reading of the will had gone well, Narcissa hadn't batted an eye at the presence of the Savior, or that Severus had willed him the safe house and all it's contents. Harry had immediately apparated there the moment the reading was over, only to be greeted by a very young and obviously mourning house elf dressed in a black pillowcase, "M-Mister Harry Potter sir?" the house elf asked, Harry just nodded, "Twinky is to be giving this to yous sir, M-Master wanted yous to have it" the elf said with a teary voice.

"Thank you Twinky" Harry murmured taking the wooden box the elf held out to him and quickly walked to the fireplace sitting down in the chair that he currently was in, had been in for half an hour, just staring at the box.

With a sigh Harry pulled the intricately carved lid off the box only to gasp at the contents. Inside was a stack of letters tied together with plain twine and a few vials of what were obviously memories. Harry cut the twine holding the letters together with a quick spell and opened the first one.

 _Harry,_

 _I'm alive, I know you must be worried, but I'm all right. I'm in hiding while I heal, I will contact you again once I'm able to receive visitors. I hope you will be willing to meet with me so I can explain better than my memories could._

 _Yours,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape May 5, 1998_

Harry quickly placed the letter aside only to tear into the next one.

 _Harry,_

 _I don't know why I didn't owl the last letter yet; I will send it with this one. Now to the reason for this letter; what the Bloody Hell do you think you are doing?! This pardon business is nonsense and don't even get me started on the Order of Merlin! I do not want either of those; you will stop this foolishness immediately! I know you are only doing it because of your grief but now that you know I have survived you will desist. Do I make myself clear?_

 _I am nearly healed enough for our visit, my vocal cords are mostly regrown and I will have my voice back shortly, and woe to you if I need to use it to chastise you for this foolishness._

 _Yours,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape July 12 1998_

 _Harry,_

 _It has become apparent to me now that these letters will not be sent, they will be a journal of sorts for me. When I was finally able to leave my blasted bed last week and could talk again I decided to go find you instead of sending those letters. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for what happened with Albus, for breaking your heart. But clearly it doesn't tear you apart any more as I saw the Weasley girl hanging off your arm in Diagon._

 _I have decided that this is for the best; with her you will never be judged for her actions during the war, you will be able to have the family you desire. I will be contented to stay in the shadows and watch you be happy in a way that I would never have been able to make you._

 _Happy Birthday Harry._

 _Yours,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape July 31 1998_

 _Harry,_

 _I want to congratulations on your marriage, Draco told me it was a beautiful ceremony. I'm glad you have been able to heal and move on in a way that I now know I will be unable to do. They say time is suppose to you heal you, but I haven't done much healing. I know it is unfair of me to say these things on the day of your wedding, but I regret my cowardice, if I had been the man I wanted to be for you I would have sent those blasted letters, and it would be me whom you married today. Perhaps I assume too much, after all how could you forgive my actions during the war when I can't even forgive myself._

 _Yours,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape January 30 2001_

Harry continued to read the letters Severus never sent; there were ones for the births of his children (an especially seething one upon the naming of Albus Severus), one for each time he was promoted in the Auror department, and finally ones from the last months of Severus's life.

 _Harry,_

 _I am convinced I'm a fool, these last nineteen years have been quiet and peaceful, and I had convinced myself that that was what I wanted. It is only now that when I see the end nearing that I can admit that I wanted chaos, laughter, and passion…I wanted you._

 _I have decided that instead of burning these letters before my death that I will bequeath them to you. I know not whether I do this out of compassion or bitterness._

 _Yours,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape August 20 2017_

 _Harry,_

 _This is it my love, the last of these letters; oh there will be one more, but that one I shall send. It is hard to believe that it has been nineteen years since I looked into your eyes and gave you my memories. I know that these letters will open old wounds for you, and will hurt you, for that I am deeply sorry. I believe you deserve to know that I lived, and continued to love you to the end, and that this silence between us for the last two decades have been completely selfish and cowardly on my part. I was afraid that the feelings I still harbor would not be reciprocated, that the evil I did during the war would have erased all tenderness you held for me._

 _I now know that those fears were unfounded, I had forgotten the enormous capacity you have to forgive, to love; but by the time I remembered it was too late._

 _In this box I have enclosed all the letters I've written to you over the years, and memories of times and events I couldn't put onto parchment; these vials are numbered, please view them in order._

 _As you by now know, this cottage and all it holds are now yours, including the penseive in the wardrobe in my room._

 _I must now write you one more letter, so this is farewell. I love you Harry and I will tell Lily of the man her baby grew up to be and how he melted my frozen heart._

 _Forgive me for my foolishness Harry, and remember me fondly._

 _Yours,_

 _Severus Tobias Snape 8:30am September 3_ _rd_ _2017_


End file.
